I own it!

I’m the type of person… hold that thought. I WAS the type of person who gave credit to everyone except myself. I taught a great lesson — it was the teacher before me who gave me the lesson plan (to heck with the minor changes I made), I trained a really nice horse — it was the colt starter who put his first 30 days on him (to heck with the hours upon hours of time and patience I spent in his saddle), I won big at the barrel race — it was the riders I’d had the opportunity to ride under (to heck with the lessons I learned and the down right good riding I put in) who got ALL the credit.

Recently, with all the big changes in my world, I’ve come to the realization (after years of being told by so many) that I am the reason that anything happens in my life. Good or bad, it’s mine. I own it. As children we are taught (and as adults we teach children this as well) to own our decisions. When a child makes a bad choice, they are shown the steps to own up to that choice and do what is necessary to make it right. I’m no different. Even as an adult. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into my principal’s office with my tail between my legs to own up to a poor decision I’ve made in the classroom, or had to backtrack because something I thought was a logical way to get the point across to a colt didn’t work. I, like the rest of you, am human. And humans make mistakes. The number one thing we’re taught is that mistakes are ok… IF you own them.

So, moving on to the point of this post. We’re taught to own our poor decisions… our failures if you will, so why aren’t we taught to own our successes as well? I know for a fact that I’m not the only person in the world who struggles… struggled… with owning my success. I know why I struggled… I never, ever want to let anyone who has impacted my path feel unappreciated. Clearly, I have felt this to the point of degrading my own self worth in order to ensure that everyone else feels appreciated. The biggest issue with this? Those people who have had the greatest impact on my biggest achievements are the ones who are most supportive of my successes. They are the cheerleaders that correct me when I’m so quick to give them all the credit.

I could go on for hours on this topic, but that would be beating a dead horse. I have had the pleasure of working with some great teachers, both in the arena and in the classroom… and celebrating my successes as my own does not take away from their contributions. But, the fact is, if I do the work, whatever happens, good or bad, it’s mine. I own it!

So… I quit my job today…

Well, not today, but a few weeks ago.

I had it “all”. I graduated from university in May of 2012 with my Bachelor of Education… In layman’s terms, a teaching degree. I subbed for the last few months of that school year and found a full time position for the 2012-2013 year. I was offered a coveted continuing contract at the end of my first year. Every young teachers’ dream! I had job security in a profession that I love… Or loved… The jury is still out on that one.

So why, 7 years later, have I signed, sealed and delivered my letter of resignation? The honest answer? That’s a loaded question. There are several reasons. A few I can openly discuss and a few that are best saved for close knit discussion with colleagues and my husband.

I do not hate my job. In fact, I really do love it (despite being indecisive about that most days). I love it so much that I realize if I don’t step away for at least a little while, I will grow to hate it. And that’s not fair. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to the moldable young minds I spend my days with. A few years ago, I submitted to the fact that my heart is, at least for now, in a different classroom. One with a dirt floor and four legged students.

It’s all fine and dandy to long to be somewhere else. Unfortunately, “somewhere else” rarely pays the bills. I’ll admit that. We’ve all heard the stories of horse trainers who can barely make ends meet. Trainers don’t do it for the paycheque, even I’m not that naive. They do it because they’re passionate and have a gift. I’m going to let you in on a little secret – – teachers are in the same boat!!

So by now you’re probably wondering “where are you going with this?” “what makes you so different?” The answer is simple. I’m not. I don’t expect things to be easy. And maybe a year from now I’ll be regretting my decision and wishing for that little piece of paper guaranteeing my position for September. Maybe. But I doubt it. The fact is, I own my decision. It’s mine and it’s the best way I know how to “just do me”.

Not everyone gets the opportunity to take a risk and live their dream. Maybe mine will work… Maybe it won’t. But it will for sure be one heck of an adventure!

“I think I want to start blogging.”

That’s how it started. Well actually, no… I’m lying. It started in my head. Then I sent the text message. 

Something that most people don’t know about me: I love to write. When I was in Grade 7, I wrote a short story that ended up being 16 pages typed. My teacher accepted it, then took me aside before our next story assignment to politely ask me to keep it to 4 pages typed. Whoops. 

I would spend hours as a young teen in front of the computer… And I wasn’t playing video games. I was writing. I couldn’t tell you what any of those stories said… they are long gone, never to be shared with anyone. 

Recently, I’ve made some HUGE changes in my world (more on those later) and I realized something; I miss writing. I miss how writing makes me feel. I miss the feeling of content and release after writing something that I’m proud of. So that brings me to today. This brilliant plan to start blogging. 

So, I’m driving to work this morning and I have a brain wave. Blogging. I feel like I have a lot to say. About everything. And, like most people, I think my opinion is one that everyone should listen to, or read, or whatever. Anyway, back to my morning. I’m making the long commute to my job (10 minutes, haha) and I have this overwhelming feeling to share my brilliant blogging idea with a good friend of mine. This friend is a blogger as well and she offers mental bootcamp courses online. She has taught me how to trust my own energy and believe in myself and trust my intuition and all that cool stuff.

So I send the text. “I think I want to start blogging.”

“Cool. What are you going to write about?”

Ummm…. what? What do you mean, what am I going to write about? Do bloggers actually think about that? Turns out they do. My response to this question; everything. I’m going to blog about everything. My life is busy. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have it any other way, but it is busy. I’m always going in ten different directions and my trials and tribulations are sometimes noteworthy. If you’ve read this much, I thank you. I also invite you to take this journey with me and see where it leads. Who knows, maybe I’m on to something 😉